You Get By With A Little Help From Your Friends
By Donna Maria Coles Johnson

When I became pregnant with my first child, I was blissfully unaware of the chaos that lay before me. By the time I became pregnant at age 38, I had enjoyed a professional career and was adept at handling one business crisis after another without much problem. Life had been a bowl of cherries and I expected that a baby would add the perfectly placed dollop of whipped cream on top.

After our bundle of joy was born, I enjoyed my cherries and cream for about 32 hours. After that, my organizational skills disappeared and it seemed I had left my ability to handle even the smallest challenge in the delivery room. I needed some help. And fast! But wait! My aging parents could not possibly help for more than a few hours at a time, and not very frequently. Oh! And hadn’t I just made money somewhat scarce by quitting my job to launch an at-home business? (Whose idea was that again?!) What is a formerly efficient new mother to do? Eat ice cream, that’s what!

So one day I found myself at the local ice cream parlor drowning my disorganized sorrow in a scoop of butter brickle with caramel topping. I suddenly noticed all of the teenaged girls working there. I asked the owner if he could recommend any of them to assist me with the daily chores of home management and caring for the world’s most adorable baby. He pointed to a young lady and said, “Ask Lindsey. Her shift is about to start and I can’t give her all the hours she wants.”

Lindsey accepted my invitation to help out with our daughter, and it just got better. Why? Lindsey had friends; and so the process has repeated itself a few times over and our Family Helpers are happy to earn money doing something besides working at the mall or a fast food joint. Their parents know they are safe and learning first-hand how challenging motherhood and home management really is.

Now, nearly 4 years later, I have a thriving home business, two well-adjusted toddlers under the age of 4 and a family that is not ruled by chaos. Oh sure, my kitchen counter is not always as tidy as I’d like it to be, but with my Family Helpers, I keep it from becoming piled as high as Mt. Everest with everything from women’s magazines to draft copies of my latest writing projects. I hope you can use these 10 tips on finding and using Family Helpers to help you manage your home more effectively and efficiently.

1. Meet The Parents. Look for people who share your values and have instilled in their daughter a sense of responsibility. Let them know that you will provide a flexible arrangement that allows their daughter to prioritize her family and schoolwork.

2. Set Guidelines. While a formal job description is a bit much, everyone should agree on what is expected so you can stay on track and avoid misunderstandings.

3. Remember That They Are Teens. Teens are notorious over sleepers. They often make commitments without writing them down and family obligations can arise at the last minute. This means there will be times when they won’t be able to keep their commitment with you. Be ready to change your plans if necessary. Play an active role in teaching them about responsibility, and strike a balance between being firm being and being understanding.

4. Be A Mentor. My Family Helpers know that motherhood is not the Leave It To Beaver episode they watched on television. Help them see that while home management is infinitely rewarding, it is also a real job, requiring a level head and a great deal of sacrifice. Also, since most school programs do little to encourage entrepreneurship, if you have an at-home business, allow them to help out as a way of opening their minds to the possibility of starting their own businesses someday.

5. Pay Them Fairly. Family Helpers are your partners in success. Pay them according to age, experience and level of responsibility. Lindsey, now age 20, has been with us for 4 years and earns $10 an hour if she has both children, and $8 an hour if my husband or I are home with them. She takes them to the mall, the park or for ice cream, and we compensate her for gas. The 14-year old Family Helpers earn $3 to $5 per hour and are never with the kids on their own.

6. Encourage Your Children To Respect The Family Helper. If you have temporarily delegated some of your parenting responsibilities to a Family Helper, make sure your children understand that she is to be respected and obeyed. Just as they clean up after themselves when you ask them to, they should learn to comply when the Family Helper makes the same request.

7. Taxes. While every state is different, federal law requires that “household employers” pay federal employment taxes with respect to persons who are employed in the home. Check with your family tax professional to find out if this applies to your situation, or consult the IRS’s Household Employer’s Tax Guide at this link: http://www.irs.ustreas.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p926.pdf.

8. Insurance. If your Family Helper is in your home frequently, find out whether your household policy covers you if she is injured in your home. Also, if you are leaving the Family Helper at home with children, make sure she has a copy of your insurance card or related information in case of an emergency.

9. Make Them Feel Special. If your Family Helper does a good job, give her a gift certificate to her favorite store or send her an e-Thank You card. When our oldest Family Helper graduated from high school, we were there to cheer her on. We also wrote her first formal letter of recommendation so that it would be available for her to use for future job opportunities.

10. Have Fun! We sometimes take our Family Helpers on short vacations where they watch the kids for several hours in exchange for time at the vacation destination and a few meals. They are like a part of the family and we often have them and their parents over for dinners or other special occasions.

Donna Maria is a wife, mother, attorney, author, speaker, publisher and president of the Handmade Beauty Network. She has shared her Lifestyle CEO message on ABC World News, Chicago Tribune, Houston Chronicle, Washington Times, Ebony Magazine, Parents Magazine, Washington Business Journal, Upscale Magazine and others. She lives in Maryland with her husband and children. She can be reached at donnamaria@lifestyleceo.com.